Three years ago, Cate Stillman, the author of Body Thrive and creator of the Ayurveda Summit, ran a contest. “Win an Ayurveda Detox if you can prove you have the most Ama.” Ama is an Ayurvedic term for toxins stored in the body. Ama builds up over time when we continue to make choices that are at odds with our bodies. I won! I had the most stored toxins! WARNING: Contains Humor and Bodily functions! Enter at your own risk! Here is the essay:
I plan for the best day, every day. I set my alarm for 5am and I hit the snooze at least three times before my husband growls. Then I turn it off all together, because really what is the point? I will wake up early tomorrow. I won’t go to bed so late tonight. I will wake up early and do yoga. Every morning. Every morning for an hour. Before the sun. Tomorrow I will start. I will meditate and then do an hour of yoga. I will go to bed early tonight.
I need to get a shirt printed up with “Ama-dicted” to coffee! or maybe a photo of me with a white line above my lip and the caption “Ama Mustache does the body good”! My current life plan seems to invite a “Save the Ama” campaign. Oh, I want to change, but my Ama has grown on me. Literally.
I do try to go to sleep at a decent hour, but it is so hard to turn off the computer. I get lost envisioning myself wearing this season’s newest boot style which I have to order because my favorite online store kept sending e-mails and it was their last-sale-EVER of this season! Although I am not really sure which season they were referring to… and I need to connect with my Facebook friends, my twitter tribe and post on Pinterest. Also, I need time to read all my helpful inbox subscriptions that focus on meditation and balance. Oh, and I have been dying to watch that new tv series. So much to do!
In the mornings with the kids, making breakfast, rushing to get out the door on time, settled by the smell of the fresh brewed coffee, I bark orders. I lean against the counter, sipping my second cup and devouring my warm, unfrozen, gluten-free waffles with a heap of butter. My waffle reminds me of something, but I can’t quite put my finger on what. The kids are talking and looking for a response, but I can’t focus. I need to get to the bathroom, stat! I run in just in time and someone asks through the door if my stomach is upset again. No one uses that bathroom for the rest of the morning.
I tell myself each night that I will not need to have coffee in the morning. Each morning, I glare at the half full bottle of wine and I tell myself I will not need a glass at the end of the day. I break for tea and dark chocolate in the afternoon. I read the saying on the tea bag and the quote on the chocolate wrapper, hoping both will lead to enlightenment. I pour over my yoga magazine and envy the calm, joyous look upon the faces of the women in beautiful poses, but need to abandon my mat when the phone rings. After all, it could be important.
Three o’clock in the afternoon. Siesta time. No time for a nap, though. I walk to the coffee shop and decide I need a break today. I deserve it. The country runs on it. I order a triple vanilla latte and then reconsider. I have been putting on weight. I order it with reduced-fat milk instead. I try to shove my hands in my back pockets but I can’t. My jeans are too tight. Suddenly I remember what those waffles remind me of… my ass. I sip the coffee and tell myself not to feel guilty, but I do.
I look at my list of tasks and errands. There is never enough time and always more to do. As soon as these next five items are done, I will be able to carve out a piece of time just for me. I will feel better when they are completed. It will give me the space I need and then I will meditate. I will go to bed early. I will take out my tongue-scrapper tonight. I will use it tomorrow when I wake up at 5am, before I meditate. Before I do my hour of yoga. Tomorrow.
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